MASSACHUSETTS — Pharmaceutical company QuikShotz announced Thursday that they’ve had a major scientific breakthrough in fighting against obnoxious relatives during the holidays – a seasonal condition that affects millions worldwide every year.
“We’ve all been there, okay? You’re sitting down for a nice Thanksgiving dinner and suddenly your uncle starts rambling about some conspiracy he saw on Facebook. Shut up already right?” A spokesperson for QuikShotz affirmed. “Our new shot will inject a patented ratio of tryptophan, delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, and diazepam right where it needs to be, inside of you.”
The published study showed that during human trials a shocking 100% of participants that used the shot did not give “one single fuck” about what their annoying relative was saying about the New World Order eating children, or the newest memes that proved COVID-19 was a hoax.
“It was incredible.” A member in the test group shared. “My cousin was going on and on and on about how the Deep State was coming after him and I literally did not give a shit, I was too busy devouring a honey glazed ham by myself.” They continued on by saying thanks to this medication holidays are finally tolerable with their “weird as hell” extended family.
The new drug is currently waiting for FDA approval before mass production begins. QuikShotz says they hope the process can be expedited before Christmas to avert what they call “a global pandemic of unprecedented scale.”
