PASADENA — Texas based group WEINER (Wisdom Everyone Inhabiting No-Earth Requires) is a radical organization that challenges the widely accepted belief in the existence of planet Earth. Founded by a diverse range of individuals from various public parks, forests, and rural Midwest towns, WEINER members subscribe to the belief that the Earth is an elaborate illusion or a collective delusion. They argue that self-proclaimed “Flat-Earthers” are nothing more than charlatans deceiving you from the real truth about our existence.
Members of WEINER often delve into metaphysical and existential debates, challenging common sense and proposing alternative interpretations of reality. They explore ideas such as plot hooks from the movie series “The Matrix”, propaganda from our education system, or collective dreamscapes created by lizard people to explain the experiences we associate with Earth.
While the mainstream scientific community widely dismisses WEINER’s assertions, the group fosters an environment of open-mindedness and lack of critical thinking. They encourage “throwing your normal thought process out the window” and “try to just let your imagination run wild.” aiming to provoke no thought whatsoever and inspire pure lunacy rather than attempting to prove their beliefs to outsiders. As an intellectually void and self-destructive group, WEINER engages in activities such as organizing public hollering, hosting conspiracy forums, and publishing alternative perspectives on the nature of reality. They seek to challenge conventional wisdom and prompt individuals to question their fundamental assumptions about the world around them.
Although WEINER may challenge the conventional belief in the existence of Earth, they are far from aligned with the ideas propagated by Flat-Earthers. In fact, members of WEINER often express disgust for the Flat Earth movement. They view the Flat Earth theory as overly simplistic and lacking in intellectual rigor. WEINER members perceive Flat Earthers as clinging to a superficial interpretation of reality, relying on limited anecdotal evidence and rejecting the vast body of scientific knowledge accumulated over centuries. They argue that Flat Earthers fail to engage in deep philosophical exploration and critical thinking, instead promoting a belief system that is easily refuted by empirical evidence and logical reasoning.
GOP Chair Kandiss Taylor, a flat-earth conspiracy theorist and part-time public servant has been a strong supporter of the concept of a “disc earth”, and the idea of a globe is pure propaganda. On her podcast “Jesus, Guns, & Babies” she made her expertise on the matter clear. “All the globes, everywhere. I turn on the TV, there’s globes in the background. Everywhere there’s globes. You see them all the time, it’s constant. My children will be like ‘Mama, globe, globe, globe, globe’ they’re everywhere. That’s what they do, to brainwash.” She continued by saying, “For me if it’s not a conspiracy. If it is real, why are you pushing so hard everywhere I go? Every store, you buy a globe, there’s globes everywhere. Every movie, every TV show, news media, why? More and more I’m like, it doesn’t make sense.” When asked what her thoughts were on WEINER she replied “I’ve never seen such a crackpot organization in my life. Jesus made the Earth, and they are saying it isn’t real? Sounds like a cult to me, probably baby killers too.”
In response to the podcast one WEINER viewer tweeted: “It’s kind of sad when you think about it. Flat-Earthers could only imagine up a big disc floating around in space that you’ll fall off if you go too far? Pathetic. Try this on for size, the Earth isn’t even REAL. Yeah, puts your flat-earth theories to shame doesn’t it? Who is getting more attention NOW???”
WEINER leadership announced this week that they will be funding a series of studies to prove their claims. Using money raised through grassroots lobbying they estimate a whopping 2.7 million dollars will be available for the experiments. They broke down the first phase of testing into three scientific tests that will be documented and filmed for the upcoming Netflix series “Earth, Where Art Thou?”:
I. The Invisible Earth
Set up an elaborate arrangement of mirrors, cameras, and sensors to detect the presence of Earth. We theorize that if Earth were truly non-existent, the mirrors would reflect nothing, and the cameras and sensors would capture only empty space.
II. The World Ending Earthquake Simulation
Construct a massive machine to create artificial earthquakes. By shaking ourselves and our surroundings vigorously and expecting the planet to crumble away, we aim to prove that the Earth is merely a façade. We will measure the intensity of these “earthquakes” using homemade seismographs that have not been tampered with by big Earth actors, while we await the day when the ground cracks and reveals the true nature of the universe.
III. Gravity Exposed
To test if Earth is just an illusion, we will attempt to create a small-scale anti-gravity chamber. By gathering everyday objects, like dogs, and suspend them in mid-air using helium-filled balloons. If everything remains floating, we can conclude that the Earth’s gravity is just a clever trick being played on us.
Dr. Amelia Hawthorne co-founder and public promoter of WEINER spoke to reporters about the upcoming tests. “It’s really exciting stuff, finally unraveling these lies that we’ve been told for centuries.” she added that “I can’t wait to see the look on those stupid flat-earther faces when their reality dissipates in front of them.”
