SPRINGDALE — Tyson Foods is being accused of silencing conservative chicken voices by Freedom Caucus members in Congress. A trove of internal company documents were leaked online by an anonymous whistleblower posting under the pseudonym @CluckCluckBoebert. Among these documents were emails detailing how executives routinely attempted to turn conservative chickens into “McNuggets” and “a stupid…
PASADENA — The Center for Near-Earth Object Studies (CNEOS) at Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) announced that regrettably an asteroid previously on an impact course with earth will swing by our planet by an estimated 100,000 miles. “It’s disappointing to say the least” JPL spokesman Buzz Whitaker said dejected. “I know a lot of us here…
WASHINGTON — Sources confirmed that Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) disguised herself as an old woman and attempted to cast votes posing as Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) in The Senate this afternoon. Feinstein, who sits on the Judiciary Committee has been on medical leave battling shingles. This has left Senate Democrats unable to push through judicial…
LOS ANGELES — A new reality television series called “Work From Home” has faced harsh criticism after documents revealed that none of the cast from the show were actually working from home during the filming of the series. One viewer tweeted “I think it’s really disgusting that they chose not to have proper representation on…
WASHINGTON — House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy has been in a high stakes stand-off within his own party on a controversial last minute change to the debt ceiling legislation. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene R-GA who was still awake sending hate mail to school shooting survivors confirmed reports that McCarthy had texted the entire House his…
LITTLE ROCK — David Tippleton of Little Rock Arkansas was approached by Colorado state troopers early this morning when they found his vehicle parked on the side of interstate 70 a few miles out of Denver. When questioned by officers what he was doing, he told them that the last thing he remembered was leaving…
MASSACHUSETTS — Pharmaceutical company QuikShotz announced Thursday that they’ve had a major scientific breakthrough in fighting against obnoxious relatives during the holidays – a seasonal condition that affects millions worldwide every year. “We’ve all been there, okay? You’re sitting down for a nice Thanksgiving dinner and suddenly your uncle starts rambling about some conspiracy he…
United States — After Proud Boys chairman Enrique Tarrio, along with other members were found guilty of seditious conspiracy this morning for their involvement in the January 6th insurrection, leadership unanimously passed a vote to rename the organization “Proud Lads”. “We wanted to change how we are perceived by others” one board member stated. “I…
WASHINGTON — Senior Pentagon official Gorzar Woklep confirmed rumors that UFOs are indeed just a figment of our imagination during a Pentagon press release this morning. Woklep disclosed intelligence reports that showed UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects) and UAPs (Unidentified Aerial Phenomena) have been classified into three categories: “Look, it was fun while it lasted right?…
JACKSON — A man living in Jackson Mississippi who wished to remain anonymous aside from his online nickname “xxNotMyBeer1976xx” has stated that he will attempt to buy “every single can of Bud Light” in an aggressive attempt to bankrupt the beer giant after they promoted a marketing campaign that reached out to the transgender community,…
