Politics

Debt limit increase stalls due to last minute changes

WASHINGTON — House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy has been in a high stakes stand-off within his own party on a controversial last minute change to the debt ceiling legislation.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene R-GA who was still awake sending hate mail to school shooting survivors confirmed reports that McCarthy had texted the entire House his amendment to the bill around 3:43AM Friday morning.  The changes outlined how representatives need to “be more friendly to me in the future” and “maybe invite him when you all go out for drinks after work.” 

“It’s a big ask.” Rep. Jim Jordan R-OH shared. “The guy is just pretty lame, and that’s coming from me – someone who covered up sexual abuse. I mean that tells you something about him right?”

Rep. Matt Gaetz R-FL weighed in as well indicating “Maybe we’d invite him out if he’d do more body shots, maybe grope someone? He just seems like a real square to me honestly.”

If this gridlock continues, the United States could default by June of this year. The fallout could potentially affect millions of jobs, and wreak havoc on the economy.

When reached out for comment the White House responded “The President will only support a clean debt increase. No cuts, no keggers, and absolutely no group chat invites for McCarthy.”

McCarthy signaled that he would reconsider the amendment if the House representatives agreed to come to his summer bash extravaganza and stay for “at least an hour.”