Idea Tastings
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You need Monsanto to wage your wars

Modern warfare is a brutal reality. The war zone no longer resides in distant fields of glory. Instead civilians and combatants are crammed into pitched battle around cities. Until we solve violent disagreements themselves, humanity needs a new way to conduct conflict.

Fortunately, Monsanto has the solution.

Imagine this scenario: the United States of America is suddenly attacked by Australia. Australia viciously murders thousands of freedom-loving folk. How does God’s-Favorite-Country (see contextual naming) respond?

Option one: send in the marines. While bad-asses, the marines will have to fight the Australian armed forces, the deadly fauna, and drunk residents. The locals would fight a vicious guerrilla war. The cities of Sydney, Perth and Melbourne would be death traps for our brave men and women.

Option two: The US-of-A destroys all ports, highways and airbases in Australia. Then, with Monsanto’s help, we sterilize the soil. We just fly over Australia’s crops and shoot it full of BadStuff(TM). Of course, Monsanto has the seeds that can survive in this sterile soil. Now with the Aussies’ food source gone, they will have no choice but to comply.

At first, we airdrop in foodstuff. But only about 2 weeks’ worth. Then we set up food-supply fortresses near cities (within walking distance but out of artillery range). America’s troops provide freedom rations. These rations are available as long as no violent action is taken against USA. Someone in the city hurts an American, then that city doesn’t receive rations for four months. With all access roads blocked, the locals will learn a distinct lesson.

After a year of good behavior, Australia’s citizens will earn Monsanto seeds. These seeds are also sterile and the aggressive Aussies will still need USA’s forgiveness to survive. Soon a ritual will being: the Australians behave, the US provides, the people eat.

Any deviation of this pattern results in starvation.

Let’s come up for air. The world is now safe and conflict free. Any struggle will be resolved by Monsanto’s loving embrace.

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